The Unholy Trinity

/únhōlee trínitee/ n. 1. The three directives needed for the viewer of a horror movie to enjoy themselves; Lots of screaming, lots of crying for mercy, and lots of killing. 2. This concept parallels The Finale Contingency, except for the fact that this term offers an enjoyment contingent.

Dead Ender

/ded-endər/ n. 1. A movie that, by all intent, should have a sequel, but ends in such a way that a sequel would be useless. 2. The opposite of The Sequel Conundrum.

Hoe-bag

/hō-bag/ adj. Any person who sleeps around; usually female.

Degenerate

/dijénərət/ adj. A person without morals or the capacity to care about others.

Shazaam

/shəzám/ exl. Damn I'm good.

Segue

/ségway/ n. A part of sentence structure that links two separate ideas or topics with a mutually relevant sub-topic.

Booyah

/boo’yah/ exl. In your face.

“Happily Ever After” Syndrome

/háp’ilee évər áftər síndrōm/ n. The inference that the male and female hero survivors live happily ever after; due to the Hook-Up Inevitability.

Hook-Up Inevitability

/hook-up inévitəbill-ity/ n. 1. An undeniable truth that if both the male and female heroes survive, they inevitably end up together. 2. This hook-up results in the “Happily Ever After” Syndrome.

Virgin Factor

/vərjin fáktər/ n. An equation in horror movies which equates to the hero (male or female) surviving because of their virginity or lack of promiscuity.

Spastic Monkey

/spástik múngkee/ adj. 1. An extremely annoying person. 2. The one person in a horror movie you wish would die but always seems to make it to the end.

Hood-Stomp

/hood-stomp/ n. A complete and total ass-kicking.

The Finale Contingency

/finaálee kəntínjənsee/ n. 1. A term used to describe the stipulations for the finale and ending of a horror movie. 2. All or most of these requirements must be met:

1. At least one hero, male and/or female, must survive the finale of the story
2. Whichever hero survives must know, not think, that they have beaten the adversary
3. Any killer must die, be captured, be turned, or be beaten in some way (not physically)
4. Any supernatural evil must be banished or eluded
5. Any creature must be disposed of, eluded, and/or transfigured back to natural form by way of spell, incantation, potion, or banishment of curse
6. Any infection/outbreak must be contained or escaped.
7. Any curse must be broken or eluded. Some curses cannot be broken and/or eluded. In these cases, the curse must appear to have dispelled just before final culmination…usually resulting in a sequel
8. Any nightmare sequences must be resolved and/or woken up from
9. An explanation or inference of motive must be stated, either directly or indirectly
10. Any residual conflicts must be resolved or indefinitely prolonged…unless a lead-in is obvious

The Sequel Conundrum

/seékwəl kənúndrəm/ n. 1. Term referring to the act of breaking most or all of the laws of The Finale Contingency, forcing a sequel. 2. To help promote a sequel, some laws must be broken, resulting in a lead-in or the actual beginning of the sequel.

Lead-In

/leed-in/ n. The result of The Sequel Conundrum where the end of a movie leads the viewer to believe that a sequel is eminent.

Cannibal

/kánibəl/ adj. 1. Any person who eats the flesh of another person for sustenance. 2. Most forms of mountain-men. 3. See Cannies.

Mountain-Man

/mównt’n man/ n. 1. A person with esthetic and bodily abnormalities, exhibiting superhuman-like strength and stamina. 2. These creatures are a mix of scientific fact and pure folklore, usually cannibalistic in nature, with their own language and communication systems. 3. Whole clans have been known to survive for generations in the foothills of Scotland. 4. Sawney Bean is the proprietor of this legend.

Skankabilly

/skánk’ə-bilee/ adj. 1. Any form of promiscuous hillbilly. 2. Usually the first to get laid. 3. Usually the first to die.

Script Weight

/skript wayt/ n. The level of attention the script gives to a specific character.

Cameo

/kámeeō/ v. 1. The appearance of a famous actor in a movie in which they have not been cast. 2. The cameo character usually plays a bit part. 3. Character added mostly for good measure or the repayment of a past debt to the director.

Bit Part

/bit paart/ adj. 1. An actor’s role in a movie that is neither obviously significant nor carries much script weight. 2. Sometimes is considered a cameo.

Goose Egg

/gūs eg/ adj. A zero on the Jonny Cage’s Horror Movie Reviews rating scale of 1 to 25.

C-Rate

/see rayt/ adj. See “C” Movie.

B-Rate

/bee rayt/ adj. See “B” Movie.

A-Rate

/ay rayt/ adj. See “A” Movie.

“C” Movie

/see mūvee/ n. 1. Any movie that is created solely with the budget of the director and their friends. 2. Any movie that is difficult to find; even in a video store. 3. Actors are usually friends or family of the director; no well-known actors present. a.k.a. C-rate movie.

“B” Movie

/bee mūvee/ n. 1. Any movie with a less than average budget. 2. Any “straight-to-video” film. 3. Usually containing less-than-well-known actors and directors; with the occasional cameo appearance. a.k.a. B-rate movie.

“A” Movie

/ay mūvee/ n. 1. Any movie with a multi-million dollar budget. 2. Most any movie shown in theaters. 3. Usually containing well-known actors and directors. a.k.a. A-rate movie.

Droobs

/drūbs/ n. Any pair of sagging boobs; usually C-cup or larger.

Celebritard

/sélibritaárd/ adj. 1. Any celebrity that takes them selves too seriously without noticing that they are undeserving of the attention paparazzi and press give them. 2. Someone who is remotely famous but always does something to show they have no sense of humor. 3. A celebrity who feels they are far more famous than they really are.

Gore

/gawr/ n. 1. A special effect used in horror movies to depict scenes of extreme violence and/or death. 2. The “blood and guts” of a horror movie…literally.

Lowbie

/lō-bee/ adj. On the Jonny Cage’s Horror Movie Reviews rating scale of 1 to 25, any rating below a 10.

Cannies

/kan-ee-s/ n. adj. 1. Any form of cannibalistic person and/or creature. 2. Any form of cannibalistic tendency, including thought. See Cannibal.

Chunkies

/chúngkee-s/ n. 1. The part of gore that encompasses pieces of flesh and/or other bodily paraphernalia. 2. Any form of projectile human body matter.

Relevant Gore

/rěl'ə-vənt gawr/ n. 1. Gore having to do or pertaining to the story and/or plotline. 2. Gore that is not added for cinematic effect but for the explanation and/or aid of specific key plot-points.

The Gross Factor

/grōs fáktər/ n. 1. A term used to describe gore in a horror movie. 2. Gore that is not intended to aid in the plot of a movie, but is used for cinematic effect.