B-Qeul

/beekw’l/ adj. Any sequel that is produced on a B-rate budget and goes direct to DVD.

Hella-

/hélah/ prefix. This prefix is used to put major emphasis on a specific emotion.

Twisties

/twisteez/ n. 1. A turning point in a story where the storyline itself takes an unexpected twist. 2. These twists usually occur due to new information being learned about the hero(es), any form of sidekick, the adversary, or the way in which to overcome the adversary. 3. Twisties can occur at any point during the story, but usually take place near the end.

Toob-Shots

/tōōb-shotz/ n. Any shot in a movie in which female breasts are shown in their entirety.

Rackage

/rakij/ n. 1. Pertaining to a very nice female cleavage. 2. BOOBIES!

Webisode

/webisōd/ n. A single part of an episodic series aired over the Internet.

Pull A Tyson

/pul ay tīson/ adj. 1. Referencing that infamous night where Mike Tyson bit off part of Evander Holyfield’s ear. 2. To chew someone’s ear off. 3. To talk to someone to the point of them wanting to stab you in the jaw with an unsharpened No. 2 pencil.

Sacting

/sakting/ v. 1. Sex Acting. 2. An acting technique used to convince the viewer that actual intercourse is taking place.

Artard

/aartárd/ adj. Any person who occasionally acts in a handicapped manor without actually being retarded.

Sketchagraph

/skech-a-graf/ n. Whatever the hell that machine is that monitors contractions during labor.

HLA

n. 1. Hot Lesbian Action. 2. When two chicks start taking their clothes off and making out. 3. All bases, first thru home run, included.

HRA

n. 1. Hot Rear Action 2. Anal sex.

Crotch Post

/kroch pōst/ n. 1. A device that a woman needing sex all the time should have so they can take care of business themselves (not a vibrator). 2. This is a fictional, metaphorical post. Some of you are really stupid.

Chubbly

/chúblee/ adj. Chubby and ugly…enough said.

White Chicking

/hwīt chikign/ n. When the female character is either running from the killer or has the upper heand and does something stupid to get herself caught or killed (i.e. trips while runninf, drops weapon to check the downed killer).

Sleeper

/sleépər/ n. A movie that is really awesome but gets no recognition.

The Sticky Factor

/stíkee fáktər/ n. Term used to describe the act of being physically stuck to the TV screen due to a compelling story.

The “Back to the Future” Rule

/bak tōō thə fyōōchər rōōl/ n. 1. Rule about time travel set down by the hit 1985 fantasy/adventure film directed by Robert Zemeckis. 2. This rule states that time is more of a fluctuation than a constant. 3. The future can be altered by changes in the past.

Moobs

/mōōbs/ n. 1. Man boobs. 2. A man with boobs like a woman.

Stunt Boobs

/stunt bōōbs/ n. 1. When an actress appears to have gone topless in a movie when actually they are someone else’s boobs being shown instead. 2. An actress is only shown from the neck down during a topless scene so that it is not possible to notice that it is not her set of boobs being shown.

Hero

/heérō/ n. 1. The person who is destined to battle the adversary and defend the sidekicks and/or the world. 2. Usually the main character(s) and established very early.

Loose-End Sidekick

/lōōs end sídkik/ adj. 1. Any sidekick that is neither important to the story nor the hero(es). 2. These characters are usually fillers and act as decoys. 3. Usually dies protecting the hero(es).

Main Sidekick

/mayn sídkik/ n. The closest friend of the hero(es) who you want to survive…and doesn’t.

Sidekick

/sídkik/ n. A friend of the hero(es) who helps them overcome the adversary.

Psych Hero

/sīk heérō/ adj. 1. Any hero, male or female, who meets their death prematurely. 2. Contradicts The Hero Survival Mandate.

The Hero Survival Mandate

/heérō sərvívəl mándayt/ n. Term used to describe the fact that any and all heroes are to make it to the end of the story and overcome the adversary.

Filler Characters

/filər káriktər/ n. Any character that does not have an important role in the story.

Fugly

/fúglee/ adj. A chick that is freakin’ ugly!

The Unholy Trinity

/únhōlee trínitee/ n. 1. The three directives needed for the viewer of a horror movie to enjoy themselves; Lots of screaming, lots of crying for mercy, and lots of killing. 2. This concept parallels The Finale Contingency, except for the fact that this term offers an enjoyment contingent.

Dead Ender

/ded-endər/ n. 1. A movie that, by all intent, should have a sequel, but ends in such a way that a sequel would be useless. 2. The opposite of The Sequel Conundrum.

Hoe-bag

/hō-bag/ adj. Any person who sleeps around; usually female.

Degenerate

/dijénərət/ adj. A person without morals or the capacity to care about others.

Shazaam

/shəzám/ exl. Damn I'm good.

Segue

/ségway/ n. A part of sentence structure that links two separate ideas or topics with a mutually relevant sub-topic.

Booyah

/boo’yah/ exl. In your face.

“Happily Ever After” Syndrome

/háp’ilee évər áftər síndrōm/ n. The inference that the male and female hero survivors live happily ever after; due to the Hook-Up Inevitability.

Hook-Up Inevitability

/hook-up inévitəbill-ity/ n. 1. An undeniable truth that if both the male and female heroes survive, they inevitably end up together. 2. This hook-up results in the “Happily Ever After” Syndrome.

Virgin Factor

/vərjin fáktər/ n. An equation in horror movies which equates to the hero (male or female) surviving because of their virginity or lack of promiscuity.

Spastic Monkey

/spástik múngkee/ adj. 1. An extremely annoying person. 2. The one person in a horror movie you wish would die but always seems to make it to the end.

Hood-Stomp

/hood-stomp/ n. A complete and total ass-kicking.

The Finale Contingency

/finaálee kəntínjənsee/ n. 1. A term used to describe the stipulations for the finale and ending of a horror movie. 2. All or most of these requirements must be met:

1. At least one hero, male and/or female, must survive the finale of the story
2. Whichever hero survives must know, not think, that they have beaten the adversary
3. Any killer must die, be captured, be turned, or be beaten in some way (not physically)
4. Any supernatural evil must be banished or eluded
5. Any creature must be disposed of, eluded, and/or transfigured back to natural form by way of spell, incantation, potion, or banishment of curse
6. Any infection/outbreak must be contained or escaped.
7. Any curse must be broken or eluded. Some curses cannot be broken and/or eluded. In these cases, the curse must appear to have dispelled just before final culmination…usually resulting in a sequel
8. Any nightmare sequences must be resolved and/or woken up from
9. An explanation or inference of motive must be stated, either directly or indirectly
10. Any residual conflicts must be resolved or indefinitely prolonged…unless a lead-in is obvious

The Sequel Conundrum

/seékwəl kənúndrəm/ n. 1. Term referring to the act of breaking most or all of the laws of The Finale Contingency, forcing a sequel. 2. To help promote a sequel, some laws must be broken, resulting in a lead-in or the actual beginning of the sequel.

Lead-In

/leed-in/ n. The result of The Sequel Conundrum where the end of a movie leads the viewer to believe that a sequel is eminent.

Cannibal

/kánibəl/ adj. 1. Any person who eats the flesh of another person for sustenance. 2. Most forms of mountain-men. 3. See Cannies.

Mountain-Man

/mównt’n man/ n. 1. A person with esthetic and bodily abnormalities, exhibiting superhuman-like strength and stamina. 2. These creatures are a mix of scientific fact and pure folklore, usually cannibalistic in nature, with their own language and communication systems. 3. Whole clans have been known to survive for generations in the foothills of Scotland. 4. Sawney Bean is the proprietor of this legend.

Skankabilly

/skánk’ə-bilee/ adj. 1. Any form of promiscuous hillbilly. 2. Usually the first to get laid. 3. Usually the first to die.

Script Weight

/skript wayt/ n. The level of attention the script gives to a specific character.

Cameo

/kámeeō/ v. 1. The appearance of a famous actor in a movie in which they have not been cast. 2. The cameo character usually plays a bit part. 3. Character added mostly for good measure or the repayment of a past debt to the director.

Bit Part

/bit paart/ adj. 1. An actor’s role in a movie that is neither obviously significant nor carries much script weight. 2. Sometimes is considered a cameo.

Goose Egg

/gūs eg/ adj. A zero on the Jonny Cage’s Horror Movie Reviews rating scale of 1 to 25.

C-Rate

/see rayt/ adj. See “C” Movie.

B-Rate

/bee rayt/ adj. See “B” Movie.

A-Rate

/ay rayt/ adj. See “A” Movie.

“C” Movie

/see mūvee/ n. 1. Any movie that is created solely with the budget of the director and their friends. 2. Any movie that is difficult to find; even in a video store. 3. Actors are usually friends or family of the director; no well-known actors present. a.k.a. C-rate movie.

“B” Movie

/bee mūvee/ n. 1. Any movie with a less than average budget. 2. Any “straight-to-video” film. 3. Usually containing less-than-well-known actors and directors; with the occasional cameo appearance. a.k.a. B-rate movie.

“A” Movie

/ay mūvee/ n. 1. Any movie with a multi-million dollar budget. 2. Most any movie shown in theaters. 3. Usually containing well-known actors and directors. a.k.a. A-rate movie.

Droobs

/drūbs/ n. Any pair of sagging boobs; usually C-cup or larger.

Celebritard

/sélibritaárd/ adj. 1. Any celebrity that takes them selves too seriously without noticing that they are undeserving of the attention paparazzi and press give them. 2. Someone who is remotely famous but always does something to show they have no sense of humor. 3. A celebrity who feels they are far more famous than they really are.

Gore

/gawr/ n. 1. A special effect used in horror movies to depict scenes of extreme violence and/or death. 2. The “blood and guts” of a horror movie…literally.

Lowbie

/lō-bee/ adj. On the Jonny Cage’s Horror Movie Reviews rating scale of 1 to 25, any rating below a 10.

Cannies

/kan-ee-s/ n. adj. 1. Any form of cannibalistic person and/or creature. 2. Any form of cannibalistic tendency, including thought. See Cannibal.

Chunkies

/chúngkee-s/ n. 1. The part of gore that encompasses pieces of flesh and/or other bodily paraphernalia. 2. Any form of projectile human body matter.

Relevant Gore

/rěl'ə-vənt gawr/ n. 1. Gore having to do or pertaining to the story and/or plotline. 2. Gore that is not added for cinematic effect but for the explanation and/or aid of specific key plot-points.

The Gross Factor

/grōs fáktər/ n. 1. A term used to describe gore in a horror movie. 2. Gore that is not intended to aid in the plot of a movie, but is used for cinematic effect.